The Gift of Gratitude

"Maintain a state of gratitude and awe.
Gratitude is the surest way to stop the
incessant inner dialogue that leads you
away from the joy and perfection of the Source."
~ Dr. Wayne Dyer,  The Power of Intention,
Perpetual Calendar, December 12th

As I reflect on the past twelve months of 2011, gratitude wells up within me. Despite the many crisis and tragedies I see and hear about in the media, my little part of the universe is safe, peaceful and flourishing. However, even here events happen that compel me to sit back and ponder the life I live and how busy I can be, to the detriment of my health. Just recently I learned that several of my friends have serious health problems. I realize that I am very grateful for good health.

As I take the time to upon my good fortune, I feel compelled to draw up a gift list. I realize that I often take for granted that I am living in a peaceful place, with plenty of food, accommodations and all that is necessary to live a quality life. High on this list: a loving family and faithful friends. 

Because the basics of life are provided, actually more than that, I am free to ponder how I can enrich my life and the lives of those I trust. In reading the reflection for December 12th, by Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance,  I am deeply touched by her version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”

She begins:
“On the first day of Christmas, I gave my true loves:
  The gift of my Undivided Attention
  On the second…the gift of Enthusiasm”

I'd highly recommend that you find a copy of this book to read about the other ten days. On her website you will learn of her workshops on the Six Graces- the first is gratitude and how she weaves that quality through the other five. Her song, ‘All We Have is All We Need” can be heard there as well.

One of my goals for the New Year is to choose a quality for each month. Gratitude will be for January. February is known for its focus on Love. During that month, I can continue my gratitude as I focus on my loves for this beautiful Earth, Nature and all the wonderful people and things in my life.

Other qualities I can focus on throughout the year are happiness, laughter, peace, hope and compassion. As Sarah uses in her Six Graces, I can also include order, simplicity, harmony, beauty and joy. Throughout them all, I will weave gratitude.

One of the reasons I wrote Quest for Happiness was to help those who needed support to find happiness, peace and joy in their lives. So let us explore together who we are and how we can create a wonderful world for ourselves and our loved ones.

How about you? What will you give your attention to during 2012?

Happy New Year!

Blessings and peace,

Bride

Transitions

Transitions

Is this what I have to anticipate as winter approaches?
Nature stripping leaves off hardwood trees
And shaving carpet green off fields?
No colour or brightness?
Just dying and darkness?

What does this mean?
Where have the hues of summer indigo gone?
So too the autumn leaves of gold, rust, orange and brown!

Is my life like that?
What does it mean?
Memories of sunlight and splendor have given way to
Dullness and drabness.

Where is the hope?
The dying inevitable
The decaying quite visible
The life once vibrant,
Fading, fading, fading.

As I grow older, is this what I must experience –
Even choose?

Ugh! That is not my reality!
The shift happens;
Just as the seasons come and go
So too the ebb and flow of life!

Watching the waves
On a dreary November day
Gives hope and energy to
Step forward
Face the winds of change.

Rejoice! Weary November finally ends.
Winter white wraps of sparkling diamonds in the sun
Lifts my spirit
Lifts the corners of my mouth!
Brightness, joy and hope fill my heart
As I journey onward!

How do we handle changes in our lives? The poem above reflects on this question as we watch autumn fade and winter sneak upon us.

In my own life, I celebrated a 65th milestone in September. What I noticed since then was a physical shift within, especially on the emotional level; joy mixed with sadness, peace with anxiety and fear with hope and brightness of spirit!

When reviewing my blog entries for last year, I noticed how in November I had written a poem called Letting Go. I refer to it here because it reminds me of the wisdom of reflecting on that very issue. What do I need to let go off at this point in my life? 

Both “Transitions” and “Letting Go” are aspects of my journey in wisdom and love. Sometimes though, those changes are painful and unsettling. I realize that like nature at this time in a barren, cold and dreary setting I have to cultivate patience and honor the process that is taking place within. Taking time to mull over the mixed feelings and the changing events in my life will be beneficial to me and those I love. Sometimes just staying with the process helps me gain peace and tranquility and the wisdom to make any decisions regarding those events.

I am learning how important it is to listen to the inner voice, trust my intuition and share my new found wisdom with those who continue to seek the truth and purpose in life.

Reflect on a milestone in your life. How did you handle it? What did you learn about yourself?  

Until next time, happy fall and happy journeying,

Bride

Finding the Sunshine Within

"Unconditional love is not the hole in us that receives the dirt, but the sun within that never stops shining." ~ Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening, September 20th 

As the first day of autumn approaches, we tend to reflect on how our summer has been. Spending time in sun filled days leisurely enjoying holidays with family and friends have come to an end. For some people, November month, especially, speaks of dreary days when Nature strips the trees of its leaves and shaves the ground of its carpet of green. Sunshine is absent in their lives. Is this your experience? How do you find the sunshine within when all seems dowdy and colorless?

Mark Nepo reflects for us on what he understands as unconditional love. Basically, it means accepting the flaws in each other but not the flawed behavior. We can change the latter. He is grateful to have a chance to work on himself. In so doing, he says it bring him and the other closer.

I am fascinated by his statement that “unconditional love is not the hole in us that receives the dirt but the sun within that never stops shining.” What is the “hole in us” and what is the “dirt” to which he is referring? Is the hole the woundedness we experience when people hurt us? Is the dirt that of harsh words, even violent words that we swallow from others, finally festering within our souls? That type of “unconditional love” is what Mark fears “has been misconstrued as an extreme form of ‘turning the other cheek’ which to anyone who has been abused in not good advice.” He calls it exaggerated passivity which differs from ‘real’ unconditional love.

What comes to mind with the second part of his statement is the juxtaposing of love with the sun. What do they have in common?

When we think of love, we feel warmth, joy, comfort and a feeling of closeness to another human being. For it to be unconditional, love looks out for the other in an altruistic way that is for the good of the other. However, it does not mean taking abuse from the other or not getting your needs met. As Mark writes, we see and accept the flawed in each other but challenge in a loving way the behavior that we can change.

The sun, in turn, spreads heat, warmth and light to our world. It can give comfort to those feeling down and needing sunlight in their lives.

But how do we find the sunshine within? What does that mean? If we in caring for another know how to give unconditional love, what of giving it to ourselves? Unless we experience love, we cannot give love. We can feel the sun on our bodies but coupling it with unconditional love is not necessarily many people’s experience.

In my own experience, finding the sunshine within means taking the time to stop and recall the gifts in my life. When I’m feeling low and sad, finding the sunshine within means reaching inward for peace, kindness and love that is stored. Having compassion and forgiveness for myself and the other are aspects of the sun within. Remembering that symbol can be comforting at times when we need it.

As you reflect on this time in your life, be it autumn or some other season; look within to find the sun shining.

Until next time, be at peace,

Bride 

Take Time to Smile

Last Sunday as I went for a walk with my sister-in-law in cottage country, we noticed that the four bigger rocks clustered together along the side of the road had happy faces on them. When we first noticed them, we laughed out loud. Then we made a game of it to see how many more rocks contained this art work! While I didn’t think to count the number of stones, there were enough to make us quicken our journey over the gravel road. It set me thinking that the unknown artist had a streak of humor in his/her soul and wanted to spread the good news of taking time to smile. That is what I want to do here as well!

Often life is so serious for all of us, especially in troubled times or crisis moments, that we forget to use humor to relieve the stress we experience. I certainly do not intend to downplay these hard times, but I am reminding myself as well as you, that we need to take time out to stop and ponder something that will make us smile. It could be a spectacular sunset, the chirping of a blue jay or even the smile of a concerned friend or family member.

Swami Beyondananda, alias Steve Bhaerman, the Cosmic Comic in his teleseminar last week humorously poked fun at how serious we are. He pointed out that when someone talked of being interested in having a serious relationship, he asked them, “What’s the matter with having a fun relationship?” Doesn’t it make you stop and smile?

What events, people or stories make you smile? One such experience comes to mind in my own life. Last year, John, my husband, and I travelled to another city to visit a specialist who told us a biopsy was needed to check for cancer. John had had this biopsy done several times and each time, he was diagnosed cancer free.

Hence as the fourth time approached, I asked him, “John, when are you having your autopsy test?”

His reply was, “Bride, I’m not dead, yet!” Both of us laughed heartily; actually, I laughed so hard I cried!

As you can see, a very serious topic and yet, with a slip of the tongue, we couldn’t help but laugh!

By the way, the results of the biopsy were negative; we were very thankful and happy- another reason to smile!

Here is another example to make you smile. I have shared many wonderful (as well as hard time) experiences with two friends, Rita and Jean. Jean has a habit of mixing up expressions. Because Rita and I have been friends longer than we’ve known Jean, she once remarked that we were ‘two birds in a pod.’ At the time, Rita and I looked at each other with a puzzled look on our faces. We exclaimed together, “There’s something not right about that expression.” When it dawned on us, we burst into laughter. Now it was Jean’s turn to look confused until we explained that the correct expression is that we’re like ‘two peas in a pod.’ Then she joined in our laughter.

Feel free to share with me your humorous stories.

Remember ‘smile and the world smiles with you’ because a smile is contagious. After all, in the word, smiles, there is a mile between the two S’s.

Smile and be at peace,

Bride

Happiness Revisited - Part II

In my last blog entry, I asked if you had a definition for happiness. You can find my definition in the Introduction of my book, Quest for Happiness. I am now adding that happiness, for me, is being of service to others. There is a drive and passion in me to help others.

Just recently I began working with prisoners on Effective Communication Skills. The correctional officers at the facility even remarked how beneficial a course this would be for them as well. What came through loud and clear is the need to learn the skill of ‘saying what you mean’ and ‘meaning what you say’ and I add, doing it in an appropriate manner.

In my discussions with these participants, it is evident how dream of happiness underlie their every action. Oftentimes, in their cases, the end result is not the joy of happiness but the pain of incarceration! They often seek happiness in drugs, alcohol and violence - reacting in a similar manner to what, often, is their parents’ dysfunctional behavior. And so the cycle of dysfunctionality continues.

To get an idea of what I mean by dysfunctional behavior, read Chapter Six, Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships in my book Quest for Happiness. Here I discuss the qualities of both a good relationship and an unhealthy one. All of us, no matter the type of relationship we are in, can always learn something new about communication.

With regard to these incarcerated men, I taught them the FTA Approach to begin the whole process of good communication. Helping them come to an awareness that they need to acknowledge their feelings first, is a very basic and important step in the process. Most often reacting in anger, which is moving from F-feelings to A- action, is their biggest problem. By stopping after the feelings to T - think they learn to respond in A-action, appropriately. Their usual manner of reacting begins with getting angry and then punching out the person with whom they have the disagreement, often accompanied by violent angry words. The FTA Approach teaches them (and us) to respond rather than react to a negative situation.

In this course, I also taught them how to use “I” language, hone listening skills, resolve conflict and develop good communication strategies. Each one of these topics needs a full chapter in any book written on communication. As you realize, I cannot do justice to such important topics here. However, in future blogs, I will reference aspects of these important strategies for effective communication. Check Chapter Seven, Strategies for Success, of my book, Quest for Happiness, where I touch on these topics. In case you weren't aware, my book is available for purchase on Amazon. Please visit this link for more information: http://www.amazon.ca/Happiness-Handling-Difficult-Relationships-Approach/dp/1926689127

Stay tuned to another discussion on the importance of effective communication in all our relationships- whether at work or at home and all places in between!

Feel free to comment on any of my musings. I look forward to hearing from you,

Until then, be at peace and smile.

Bride

Happiness Revisited

It seems fitting at this time to revisit the theme of happiness, especially now that I’ve been publishing The Quest for Happiness Daily on Twitter. Here, I gather contributing articles pertaining to the theme of happiness. I am fascinated by the number of articles and the types of professionals writing about this topic.

In the American Bill of Rights, one of the founding statements is the right of each individual to ‘pursue happiness.’ It doesn’t define how this is done. Each individual can flesh that out according to his or her own needs, goals and dreams.

As you reflect on your life, how important is happiness to you? What is your definition of happiness? In what stage of life are you? Do you have time to stop the fast treadmill of life and ask yourself these questions? What about your family members? Are they interested in pursuing happiness as well?

In his book, Spiritual Liberation, Michael Bernard Beckwith addresses this topic of happiness. He calls it the 4 C’s of happiness; conversation, company, challenges and commitment. He calls them “causes” and the way in which they change the contents of our consciousness “effects.”

I will only comment on the first one, conversation, as it relates to my past couple of blogs on effective communication.

Beckwith asks the question: “Is your conversation one of vibrational heaven or hell?” To put it another way, the words you speak can send out vibrations of good or bad. Also, what is of importance are the kinds of conversations you have with yourself. If they are negative, they affect not only you but all you come in contact with. Whereas when you are positive, you send out the vibrations of happiness, compassion and encouragement. Try it and see.

To illustrate this important issue, I again refer you to Dr. Masaru Emoto in his book, The True Power of Water and his experiments with water. When “thank you” or “well done” are breathed on it, beautiful crystals form. However, when such words as “you fool” or “no good”, deformed crystals appear.

As you can see, it’s important to be aware of how we communicate to those in our world. It can mean happiness or unhappiness to our loved ones.

Just recently, this theme of happiness was discussed at the United Nations where a draft resolution, Happiness toward a Holistic Approach to Development, came to the floor. The purpose of the resolution is “to give more importance to happiness and well being in determining how to achieve and measure social and economic development.” Because the country of Bhutan uses the gross national happiness (GNP) rather than the gross domestic product (GDP) to measure success, the Bhutan representative spoke to support this resolution. It was adopted without a vote. In September, Bhutan will convene a panel to discuss this issue at the next General Assembly. Isn’t that amazing? Who would have thought happiness is so important? Especially the UN!

As you know, in my opinion, it is definitely worth time and reflection. I’ve even written a book about it, and welcome you to discover Quest For Happiness Handling Difficult Relationships Using the FTA Approach. May your journey to happiness be paramount in your life!

Until next time, find peace and joy as you continue your quest!

Bride

Effective Communication Secrets, Part II

In our world where we are bombarded by information through TV, radio, billboard ads, Facebook and Twitter, communicating effectively is still an issue for all of us. Stories abound how we mis communicate through violent words and actions. Certain types of non-verbal body language are seen as doing harm to another. Foul language is taken for granted, spewing out on oneself and any one else in the way.

The secret I want to discuss here is one that seems to be forgotten by society today- in stores, on the street and in the home. It is the three fold magic words of ‘Please, Thank You and You’re Welcome.’ The underlying quality of all three is respect. Unless we respect ourselves, we cannot respect others. Children do what they see. If they are not taught how to show respect for themselves and others, they will not learn and apply it in their daily lives.

What’s the big deal? You may ask. These magic words convey a gentleness and respect that becomes evident to the one listening. It implies that the speaker has taken time to think before responding to the situation. Wherever you go, are you polite and do you respond with a smile? As I reflect on this, it makes me pause and consider my own actions and reactions to situations that arise in my life.

Remember the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would wish them to do to you.” Oftentimes, it’s seems to be, to do unto others as they do to you. It’s very easy to react to negative situations in a negative manner.

Let’s become aware of how positively or negatively we communicate with others. Let’s use those magic words to create a positive effect in our lives. Notice how the ripples will help you and others smile and spread peace!

Keep the secret going, please!

Thanks for doing it!

Bride

Effective Communication Secrets: Part I

In my last blog entry, I discussed one secret to a successful life. As you can see by this title, I’m continuing the theme of secrets- this time in the field of communication. For the past several weeks, I have been facilitating workshops on this issue. The basis for these sessions is “Strategies for Success,” Chapter Seven of my book, Quest for Happiness Handling Difficult Relationships Using the FTA Approach.

As I research the topic of communication, I realize how multifaceted and how important it is. While I focused on four major ones, each of these can be broken down into a series of topics that also needs to be addressed. I discuss how to:

- use “I” language

- apply 8 tips to resolve conflict

- practice 7 techniques of listening skills

- master 6 strategies to communicate effectively.

One big concept that often gets overlooked is the effect that words have on us and the other person. Awareness of the kinds of words we use is evidently overlooked by a large number of the population. Take the phrase, ‘fighting for peace’ as an example. When we use the word, fight, immediately we are in competition with rather than in cooperation and community. The images of swords or guns come to mind immediately. It is a violent word. If we are advocates for peace, we need to look at how peaceful we really are. What kinds of words are we really using?

One of the biggest signs today for me is how easily foul language is used, especially among young people. Use of such words as stupid, air head, nerd, and other less desirable words clearly portray a lack of respect for the speaker and especially for the listener.

How do we make others aware of the types of words used? First, we begin by listening to ourselves as we communicate with the significant people in our lives. Remember, we can only change how we behave. We may try to change others but unless our behavior changes, nothing will happen.

Think of tossing a pebble in a clear pool of water. Notice the ripples. Likewise only when we change our thinking and subsequently our behavior will that be a catalyst to facilitate change. Our kind and respectful words will have a ripple effect on others. As you know, a smile impacts another person positively. Words do this as well. Try it.

Experiments have been done on how frozen water crystals react when positive words, such as “Thank you,” are pasted on the bottle or breathed over it. The symmetry and beauty of the water crystals are breathtaking. However, when negative words or phrases are used, such as “You are stupid,’ the crystals become distorted and ugly. View the photos of Dr. Masaru Emoto in his book, The Hidden Messages in Water, published in 1999. He succeeded in photographing the frozen water crystals in 1994, the first water crystal picture ever taken. They portray both the positive and negative effects that words have on the crystals.

If using negative words can produce that in water, how much more, then, do they have a negative influence on the human being both emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially. After all, we are 90% water!

Keep in mind, especially if you are parents, that what you role model will be imitated by your child. Mirror good behavior and they will mirror it back. But this happens no matter where you are whether at home, at work and other places you visit, and to everyone you meet. Try an experiment to see what happens when you smile or speak positively to someone as opposed to glaring at them and complaining.

A good place to experiment is at the grocery store where you can be pleasant to the cashier. Notice when you are in line at the movies or video store or wherever how people greet each other and how they react.

Notice the words on billboards, on TV, when you’re in the mall or riding the bus or train, on an airplane. Be aware, in this information driven society, how well or badly we communicate.

The secret is to become aware of the words we use to communicate how we feel and express our needs to our families and friends. Make our words positive and uplifting so as to spread love and peace in your world. This will have a ripple effect on all you meet.

You then say to me: "but I am only one person, what effect can I have?" I remind you that Mother Teresa said, “We sometimes feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”

Be positive and hopeful! I am!

Remember to check out Chapter Seven of my book, Quest for Happiness Handling Difficult Relationships Using the FTA Approach.

Until next time, when I discuss part 2 of communication secrets, practice the secret of ‘word’ awareness and let me know how it affects your daily living.

Peace and joy,

Bride

One Secret to a Successful Life

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? ~Mary Oliver

Does that question cause you to stop and think? Get you excited? Do you see yourself living a wild and precious life? If not, what is holding you back? Is it fear of the unknown, of what people will say about you?

Let’s explore fear, its causes and consequences. Then I shall reveal the secret to a successful life. Are you tempted to scroll down and find the answer? It is tempting, isn’t it?

Fear is the driving engine of many people in this world.

Unfortunately, this is a reality. Greed is a close second. The only other emotion that can wipe out both is love.

In my blog entry on “Self Awareness” I touched briefly on the effects of fear on our lives. There I noted how it affects the body, mind and spirit. In our bodily system, it is a natural response to a perceived danger, a threat to our well being. Deep inside us is the basic need for safety and security.

While it is a negative emotion, its benefit is to protect us when danger is near. If we lived in a war torn country, we can understand why it lives and breathes in our daily lives. However, for many of us, we are in no danger.

Recently (and coincidentally), I was asked, “What do I need to look at if I’m afraid to succeed?” Let’s explore how fear paralyzes us.

We fear pain, either emotional or physical or both, depending on the circumstances. The need to relieve pain can force us to resort to drugs, alcohol or compulsive eating. Anything to make us feel better. Note how often this topic is discussed in books and on TV.

We fear losing loved ones, be they human or animal. A mother caring for her sick child will forget to eat and care for herself in order to protect and care for her beloved family. Stories abound testifying to the sacrifices and love demonstrated in great acts of heroism.

We fear sickness, whether it is of the body, the mind or the emotions. The fear of returning cancer is very real in today’s world. Mental and emotional illnesses are still being explored and researched to find ways to remedy the effects of each. Is it hereditary or is it the environment that causes it? Scientists are still probing the causes.

We fear opposition and misunderstanding especially in our significant relationships both personal and professional. Our feelings are hurt if our ideas are frowned upon or laughed at. When we try to communicate we are misunderstood.

We fear failure and often think it will be a devastating experience. Common sense and experience tell us that this is not so. Yet the feeling can persist forcing us to take a closer look at what is behind all this.

Ultimately, we fear growing old and dying. Sometimes thinking of both causes us to ponder the question, “How can I make my life meaningful, worthwhile and beneficial to the people in my life? Or, as Mary Oliver asked, “what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

When we look at the reasons for our fears and identify them, we can then explore ways to eradicate or lessen the fear and become not paralyzed, but free.

Choosing self-preservation is not necessarily choosing life. We may need to step into what we fear and, in so doing, disperse the hold fear has on us.

The secret is to trust, in oneself and the universe that we know in our inmost being what it takes to live a wonderful, precious and successful life. Courage follows trust because there are times when we have to risk life and limb, so to speak, to conquer fear and move ahead to realize the plans to begin living a rich and fulfilled life.

We may come to realize that in facing our pain, health will be the result. That in facing death, we choose life. That in accepting that we have done all we can and our ways of seeing have failed, we dare to step into the void.

As Melodie Beattie advises in her book, Journey To The Heart,
"Climb over the wall of fear.

Gently face your fears one at a time as they arise." (P.114-115)

In so doing, as we become aware of the particular one, we acknowledge what we are feeling. Dialogue with it. Trust and courage will follow to release this negative energy. Joy comes as it floats away. It becomes a wisdom step for us to think and see in new ways. How exciting it is to feel free and light hearted, as a result!

In an upcoming blog entry, I will be discussing another secret to success. A hint for you to get an inside track is to read my book, Quest for Happiness Handling Difficult Relationships Using the FTA Approach. Stay tuned and please feel free to leave a comment here on what you would like to have discussed.

May you continue to explore your wild and precious life.

Until the next time,

Bride

Spring Awakening

Let the birds come and

Fill the air with singing.

Invite the flowers

To raise their golden heads and

Smile at us!

Fill the garden of our hearts

With joy and light and love!

Are you tired and worn out after the long winter? Now that Spring is officially here, are you longing for the warm and sunny weather? Am I echoing your thoughts in the poem above?

On March 29^th, I will be giving a seminar on this very topic as a lead into doing more seminars based on my book, Quest for Happiness. This one hour introduction will help the participants focus on taking time to stop their busy lives and identify a fun activity that they enjoy doing. It could be an outdoor sport, an art project, gardening, golfing, dancing, and weaving mats or a craft of some sort. I find that sometimes people are surprised to learn that even naming some activity is an eye opener because we do things and fail to realize the gifts or talents we have until someone points it out to us.

Another point I want to make at the seminar is that we must take time to relax. This is so important for our emotional, mental, spiritual and physical well being. Our bodies try to get us to listen but so often we don’t and wind up with a flu or a bad cold. Then we have no choice but to stop. Our immune system gets run down and we are not capable of living a quality life.

When you are run down physically, you may feel poorly emotionally, as well as depressed, weepy or grumpy. Notice that the joy and energetic spirit is gone in your life. Dealing with family or your job is the last thing you want to do during that time.

In addition, your mental capabilities suffer. When you try to think of taking care of your family or your job, you find it mind boggling; you can’t take care of you, let alone anyone else!

Not only do you feel as if your body is breaking down but that your energetic spirit has resigned as well. You need time to recuperate in every aspect of your life.

No wonder you wish for warm sunny weather with the birds singing and the flowers beckoning to you in their cheerfulness.

How do you relax? Some people find watching TV or going to a movie refreshing and even energizing. Others garden or golf. Reflect on your own fun activity and remember to keep it in mind when it dawns on you that you feel tired and worn out. This is your spring awakening!

Here are some of my suggestions for helping you to celebrate spring:

1. Join a yoga class, QiGong, or swim group.

2. Meet with a group of friends once a week for coffee or…

3. Detox your body with an Epsom salts bath

4. Listen to relaxing music

5. Set aside an hour daily just for you alone

6. Join a volunteer group – an activity that you will enjoy

7. Take a nature walk – in the park or on the beach

8. Read a good book for 15 minutes a day

9. Laugh daily and be gentle with yourself when you make mistakes

OR

10. Listen to my CD, Quest for Happiness Relaxation Techniques

Another suggestion is that you add your own. You may be interested in some activity that I have not mentioned. The bottom line is that you have to take care of yourself. No one else can do that for you.

In closing, I wish you a Happy Spring! Be kind to yourself and be grateful.

Until the next time,

Bride

February Blues or February Red?

Deep into winter

Snow upon snow

When will it ever end?

Blah!

YET

Mountains of snow

Diamonds glistening in the sun

Evergreen trees wrapped in white coats

Silent, still

Sparkling white

Peaceful, calm

Beautiful!

Awesome!

Which feeling do you have? A blue or blah one? If it is either one, maybe taking the time to stop and reflect on something good in your life will help change your mood. As you know February 14^th is well known as Valentine’s Day. Maybe this can help you change your color from blue to red!

Check out the stores and notice the array of red on the shelves; red hearts-shaped boxes of chocolates, red balloons and red cards proclaiming love that you can give to your sweetheart, family and friends.

So are you still feeling blue or are you now seeing red? Interestingly enough, when we talk about “seeing red,” it usually suggests that one is angry at something or someone. In my case, I want to promote a totally different atmosphere. In keeping with the theme of love and how we associate it with the color red, I want to focus on the reason behind Valentine’s Day. As you know it is meant to promote the theme of love.

Everyone has his or her own definition of love. Based on family tradition, learning and especially experiencing love or lack of it, we sing and write about it.

Some of the songs we sing:

“Love Makes The World Go Round.”

“Love Me Tender”

“I Will Always Love You”

“Love Is All Around”

“Love Is All We Need”

These songs portray the romantic side, often the infatuation of first love. This is wonderful but if it ends there with just the externals, it will not lead to a much deeper love. The hope is that it will, but experience teaches us that sometimes it doesn’t.

What are the qualities of love?

In my book, Quest for Happiness Handling Difficult Relationships Using the FTA Approach, I discuss trust, caring, respect, good communication, and time for each other as some of those qualities. I would add gratitude as another characteristic.

The foundation for a relationship is trust. Unless that is built in, it will not last. Caring and respect for one another are a close second. Letting the other person be his or her true self and able to express one’s feelings and thoughts is paramount. Being kind is also another quality to foster.

I’ve also devoted a chapter to communication skills in my book. When one partner can ask for what he or she needs in the relationship in a loving way, the response is lovingly returned. Rather than reacting to a situation where blame is often heard, the couple or the parent and child can respect one another’s feelings and respond accordingly. Understanding each others’ needs promotes good communication.

In our busy world today, taking time to be with each other must be scheduled into the day and not just once a week. Parents and children need to plan some precious time to spend with one another in advance, just as the parents have to do it for themselves.

One splendid way is to celebrate not only the usual holiday events, such a Valentine’s but special ones that are known only to the couple or the family itself. It need not be an extravagant event but one that is meaningful for all involved.

As you reflect on your own relationship and the love that’s involved, you can see that it takes work from each of you to build a healthy and happy life.

You can do your part by taking a few minutes to reflect on your own feelings. How are you feeling now? If you were experiencing the Blah feeling, has it changed? If you had colored your world red, then may the energy of love increase as you reflect on your life.

In the second half of my poem, the attitude expressed is one of gratitude and appreciation for the beauty of winter.

May your world be colored with love or the beauty of the whiteness of winter. May you experience the gratitude and peace as you reflect on the gifts in your life!

Until the next time, may love reign in your hearts!

Fondly,

Bride

Inner Awakening

"Becoming more conscious is vital to our sense of well-being and empowers us to fully know ourselves."
~Michael Bernard Beckwith, Spiritual Liberation, p. 93

What will this New Year bring? I asked that questions in my last blog entry, Endings and Beginnings. At that time, I noted that there will be times for rejoicing and times for mourning. At one time or another, everyone on earth has experienced some form of joy or sorrow, peace or turmoil, love or indifference or even hate in their lives. Many times it is in times of turmoil, loss or great sorrow that the person turns inward to ask the age old questions: “What is the purpose of my existence? Why is this happening to me, now?”

Funny, if life is good and wonderful things are occurring, we don’t question why it’s happening. It would seem that only when pain, suffering and misery come our way do we ask the reason why. Do you agree? Do we experience an inner awakening when this happens?

At other times, we ask the same questions because we have the time to do so. As we grow older and take time to ponder how we’ve lived our lives, these questions surface again.

In ancient texts from the Far East, we read how often they speak of balance and cycles of nature when referring to human situations. Such contrasts as summer and winter, spring and fall echo human conditions. We are born and we die, we enjoy or survive our young and middle aging and then grow old. In any event, just as the seasons come and go, so too do things and people move in and out of our lives.

Just taking some time daily to ‘wake up smell the roses’ so to speak will have us become more reflective about our life style. In that quiet time, we can awaken to the realization that certain significant people or things make life meaningful for us.

In some cases, however, we realize otherwise; that our lives have become empty and meaningless. When we awaken to that reality, we then have an opportunity to change our present situation and make it meaningful. Only when it registers with us that when we change our attitude we can change our lives. No one can do that for us. We hold the control in our hands, in our minds and we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Let’s reflect on what it is to blame (even ourselves) for the way we live. Blame shifts the responsibility from ourselves to someone or something outside us. Even when we blame ourselves, it again disconnects us from our inner self. Only when we truly stand on our own two feet and take responsibility for the way we live, in honesty, can we change what needs to be changed.

Sometimes, though, people just trudge along day by day and seek other means to fill this emptiness through various kinds of addictions. Only when they literally fall flat on their faces do they wake up and realize that the time has come to get off that treadmill of destructive behavior.

What does it mean to get in touch with our inner self? Have an inner awakening?

Here are some ways to do this despite having a hectic daily schedule:

1. Assess your daily schedule and note times when you are alone.

2. What do you like to do that gives you peace and inner serenity?

3. Choose one or two that helps you reflect on building a deeper awareness of who you are.

4. Practice daily.

Your next question may be: What what would I suggest?

One easy way to concentrate is to focus on your breathing. Whether you're in your car, riding the elevator or walking the dog, you have amazing opportunities to practice deep breathing and bring a feeling of peace and serenity to your daily activities.

Notice other occasions that give you time to stop and assess what is happening in your life. When you have a block of time, you can read a book that will help you take a deeper look at your inner life, meditate on what inspires you or plan a vacation to enrich your life.

The key is to take care of your self. By so doing, you can build a rich inner life and spread the joy and happiness you feel after learning how special and unique you are as a fully alive human being.

Enjoy your inner journey, ‘to go where no one has gone before.’ If you need a road map, visit my website, http://harborofhappiness.com to learn how to buy my book, Quest for Happiness, the GPS of Relationships.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings.

Until the next time, spread love and peace,

Bride