Take Time to Smile

Last Sunday as I went for a walk with my sister-in-law in cottage country, we noticed that the four bigger rocks clustered together along the side of the road had happy faces on them. When we first noticed them, we laughed out loud. Then we made a game of it to see how many more rocks contained this art work! While I didn’t think to count the number of stones, there were enough to make us quicken our journey over the gravel road. It set me thinking that the unknown artist had a streak of humor in his/her soul and wanted to spread the good news of taking time to smile. That is what I want to do here as well!

Often life is so serious for all of us, especially in troubled times or crisis moments, that we forget to use humor to relieve the stress we experience. I certainly do not intend to downplay these hard times, but I am reminding myself as well as you, that we need to take time out to stop and ponder something that will make us smile. It could be a spectacular sunset, the chirping of a blue jay or even the smile of a concerned friend or family member.

Swami Beyondananda, alias Steve Bhaerman, the Cosmic Comic in his teleseminar last week humorously poked fun at how serious we are. He pointed out that when someone talked of being interested in having a serious relationship, he asked them, “What’s the matter with having a fun relationship?” Doesn’t it make you stop and smile?

What events, people or stories make you smile? One such experience comes to mind in my own life. Last year, John, my husband, and I travelled to another city to visit a specialist who told us a biopsy was needed to check for cancer. John had had this biopsy done several times and each time, he was diagnosed cancer free.

Hence as the fourth time approached, I asked him, “John, when are you having your autopsy test?”

His reply was, “Bride, I’m not dead, yet!” Both of us laughed heartily; actually, I laughed so hard I cried!

As you can see, a very serious topic and yet, with a slip of the tongue, we couldn’t help but laugh!

By the way, the results of the biopsy were negative; we were very thankful and happy- another reason to smile!

Here is another example to make you smile. I have shared many wonderful (as well as hard time) experiences with two friends, Rita and Jean. Jean has a habit of mixing up expressions. Because Rita and I have been friends longer than we’ve known Jean, she once remarked that we were ‘two birds in a pod.’ At the time, Rita and I looked at each other with a puzzled look on our faces. We exclaimed together, “There’s something not right about that expression.” When it dawned on us, we burst into laughter. Now it was Jean’s turn to look confused until we explained that the correct expression is that we’re like ‘two peas in a pod.’ Then she joined in our laughter.

Feel free to share with me your humorous stories.

Remember ‘smile and the world smiles with you’ because a smile is contagious. After all, in the word, smiles, there is a mile between the two S’s.

Smile and be at peace,

Bride

Happiness Revisited - Part II

In my last blog entry, I asked if you had a definition for happiness. You can find my definition in the Introduction of my book, Quest for Happiness. I am now adding that happiness, for me, is being of service to others. There is a drive and passion in me to help others.

Just recently I began working with prisoners on Effective Communication Skills. The correctional officers at the facility even remarked how beneficial a course this would be for them as well. What came through loud and clear is the need to learn the skill of ‘saying what you mean’ and ‘meaning what you say’ and I add, doing it in an appropriate manner.

In my discussions with these participants, it is evident how dream of happiness underlie their every action. Oftentimes, in their cases, the end result is not the joy of happiness but the pain of incarceration! They often seek happiness in drugs, alcohol and violence - reacting in a similar manner to what, often, is their parents’ dysfunctional behavior. And so the cycle of dysfunctionality continues.

To get an idea of what I mean by dysfunctional behavior, read Chapter Six, Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships in my book Quest for Happiness. Here I discuss the qualities of both a good relationship and an unhealthy one. All of us, no matter the type of relationship we are in, can always learn something new about communication.

With regard to these incarcerated men, I taught them the FTA Approach to begin the whole process of good communication. Helping them come to an awareness that they need to acknowledge their feelings first, is a very basic and important step in the process. Most often reacting in anger, which is moving from F-feelings to A- action, is their biggest problem. By stopping after the feelings to T - think they learn to respond in A-action, appropriately. Their usual manner of reacting begins with getting angry and then punching out the person with whom they have the disagreement, often accompanied by violent angry words. The FTA Approach teaches them (and us) to respond rather than react to a negative situation.

In this course, I also taught them how to use “I” language, hone listening skills, resolve conflict and develop good communication strategies. Each one of these topics needs a full chapter in any book written on communication. As you realize, I cannot do justice to such important topics here. However, in future blogs, I will reference aspects of these important strategies for effective communication. Check Chapter Seven, Strategies for Success, of my book, Quest for Happiness, where I touch on these topics. In case you weren't aware, my book is available for purchase on Amazon. Please visit this link for more information: http://www.amazon.ca/Happiness-Handling-Difficult-Relationships-Approach/dp/1926689127

Stay tuned to another discussion on the importance of effective communication in all our relationships- whether at work or at home and all places in between!

Feel free to comment on any of my musings. I look forward to hearing from you,

Until then, be at peace and smile.

Bride