"Unconditional love is not the hole in us that receives the dirt, but the sun within that never stops shining." ~ Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening, September 20th
As the first day of autumn approaches, we tend to reflect on how our summer has been. Spending time in sun filled days leisurely enjoying holidays with family and friends have come to an end. For some people, November month, especially, speaks of dreary days when Nature strips the trees of its leaves and shaves the ground of its carpet of green. Sunshine is absent in their lives. Is this your experience? How do you find the sunshine within when all seems dowdy and colorless?
Mark Nepo reflects for us on what he understands as unconditional love. Basically, it means accepting the flaws in each other but not the flawed behavior. We can change the latter. He is grateful to have a chance to work on himself. In so doing, he says it bring him and the other closer.
I am fascinated by his statement that “unconditional love is not the hole in us that receives the dirt but the sun within that never stops shining.” What is the “hole in us” and what is the “dirt” to which he is referring? Is the hole the woundedness we experience when people hurt us? Is the dirt that of harsh words, even violent words that we swallow from others, finally festering within our souls? That type of “unconditional love” is what Mark fears “has been misconstrued as an extreme form of ‘turning the other cheek’ which to anyone who has been abused in not good advice.” He calls it exaggerated passivity which differs from ‘real’ unconditional love.
What comes to mind with the second part of his statement is the juxtaposing of love with the sun. What do they have in common?
When we think of love, we feel warmth, joy, comfort and a feeling of closeness to another human being. For it to be unconditional, love looks out for the other in an altruistic way that is for the good of the other. However, it does not mean taking abuse from the other or not getting your needs met. As Mark writes, we see and accept the flawed in each other but challenge in a loving way the behavior that we can change.
The sun, in turn, spreads heat, warmth and light to our world. It can give comfort to those feeling down and needing sunlight in their lives.
But how do we find the sunshine within? What does that mean? If we in caring for another know how to give unconditional love, what of giving it to ourselves? Unless we experience love, we cannot give love. We can feel the sun on our bodies but coupling it with unconditional love is not necessarily many people’s experience.
In my own experience, finding the sunshine within means taking the time to stop and recall the gifts in my life. When I’m feeling low and sad, finding the sunshine within means reaching inward for peace, kindness and love that is stored. Having compassion and forgiveness for myself and the other are aspects of the sun within. Remembering that symbol can be comforting at times when we need it.
As you reflect on this time in your life, be it autumn or some other season; look within to find the sun shining.
Until next time, be at peace,
Bride
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