In my last blog entry, I discussed one secret to a successful life. As you can see by this title, I’m continuing the theme of secrets- this time in the field of communication. For the past several weeks, I have been facilitating workshops on this issue. The basis for these sessions is “Strategies for Success,” Chapter Seven of my book, Quest for Happiness Handling Difficult Relationships Using the FTA Approach.
As I research the topic of communication, I realize how multifaceted and how important it is. While I focused on four major ones, each of these can be broken down into a series of topics that also needs to be addressed. I discuss how to:
- use “I” language
- apply 8 tips to resolve conflict
- practice 7 techniques of listening skills
- master 6 strategies to communicate effectively.
One big concept that often gets overlooked is the effect that words have on us and the other person. Awareness of the kinds of words we use is evidently overlooked by a large number of the population. Take the phrase, ‘fighting for peace’ as an example. When we use the word, fight, immediately we are in competition with rather than in cooperation and community. The images of swords or guns come to mind immediately. It is a violent word. If we are advocates for peace, we need to look at how peaceful we really are. What kinds of words are we really using?
One of the biggest signs today for me is how easily foul language is used, especially among young people. Use of such words as stupid, air head, nerd, and other less desirable words clearly portray a lack of respect for the speaker and especially for the listener.
How do we make others aware of the types of words used? First, we begin by listening to ourselves as we communicate with the significant people in our lives. Remember, we can only change how we behave. We may try to change others but unless our behavior changes, nothing will happen.
Think of tossing a pebble in a clear pool of water. Notice the ripples. Likewise only when we change our thinking and subsequently our behavior will that be a catalyst to facilitate change. Our kind and respectful words will have a ripple effect on others. As you know, a smile impacts another person positively. Words do this as well. Try it.
Experiments have been done on how frozen water crystals react when positive words, such as “Thank you,” are pasted on the bottle or breathed over it. The symmetry and beauty of the water crystals are breathtaking. However, when negative words or phrases are used, such as “You are stupid,’ the crystals become distorted and ugly. View the photos of Dr. Masaru Emoto in his book, The Hidden Messages in Water, published in 1999. He succeeded in photographing the frozen water crystals in 1994, the first water crystal picture ever taken. They portray both the positive and negative effects that words have on the crystals.
If using negative words can produce that in water, how much more, then, do they have a negative influence on the human being both emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially. After all, we are 90% water!
Keep in mind, especially if you are parents, that what you role model will be imitated by your child. Mirror good behavior and they will mirror it back. But this happens no matter where you are whether at home, at work and other places you visit, and to everyone you meet. Try an experiment to see what happens when you smile or speak positively to someone as opposed to glaring at them and complaining.
A good place to experiment is at the grocery store where you can be pleasant to the cashier. Notice when you are in line at the movies or video store or wherever how people greet each other and how they react.
Notice the words on billboards, on TV, when you’re in the mall or riding the bus or train, on an airplane. Be aware, in this information driven society, how well or badly we communicate.
The secret is to become aware of the words we use to communicate how we feel and express our needs to our families and friends. Make our words positive and uplifting so as to spread love and peace in your world. This will have a ripple effect on all you meet.
You then say to me: "but I am only one person, what effect can I have?" I remind you that Mother Teresa said, “We sometimes feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”
Be positive and hopeful! I am!
Remember to check out Chapter Seven of my book, Quest for Happiness Handling Difficult Relationships Using the FTA Approach.
Until next time, when I discuss part 2 of communication secrets, practice the secret of ‘word’ awareness and let me know how it affects your daily living.
Peace and joy,
Bride
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